tetiba teringat kawan-kawan lama dan…zaman aku alim??

VENTEX…. ring a bell?

it’s been a long time we never hv the chance to meet each other and talk about life we’ve had without each other.

like, almost 5 years dah. we missed so much time. sure a lot to talk about if we meet someday.

from left: seng, emi, dayah, tonah, le' n ila. sitting: ME, ina n meen. not in pic: wawa n didi

there were 11 of us. ventex was a group of really nice girls that i somehow included in. im not that nice anymore. or i can say, i was initially not that nice but i became much nicer as i mingled with these nice, adorable girls, but then i just… well, be me.. ventex girls were like the most powerful girls of the school cause most of them held really important positions – head prefect, head librarian, head naqibah, prefects, librarians, naqibahs, COOP executives.

OK. people in nizhny would be so suprised if i tell them beside being COOP executive, i was my school naqibah. yes, back then i was so qualified. becoz of these lovely friends i met. they taught me a lot about things especially religious things.

i actually didn’t want the naqibah post coz i didn’t feel im capable of doing the job, but my dearest ustazah convinced me that i can. cause she believed in me somehow.

well yes, i can say that i was a very good naqibah and the juniors liked me as their naqibah. i was the one who delivered tazkirah and handled usrah, and i know i did a good job. i had full access to warden room at night to search for usable religious materials in the internet. and by the way people, i was the freaking naib ketua for biro usrah dan halaqah – i was incharge in giving other naqibs and naqibahs religious materials for them to pass on and share with other students, manage their daily tazkirah’s schedule, divide usrah’s groups, handled halaqah etc. (wow, as i think about it again, i didn’t know that i was that important! i alone was practically the BPI of PPIM or the PPIM MTs themself! haha..)

then, why am i being what i am now?

seriously, i don’t know the real reason. im just being me, and im the type of girl who cant do things if i dont feel like doing it. unfortunately, at one point i just didn’t feel like doing it anymore. i know that isnt something good. i regretted so much that i cant keep the nice me. but i can’t supress the real me from popping out. so before i fake myself, i just stop being that girl.

when?

at the end of form 5. i was still in ventex; having very sweet friendships with them but i started being friend with some other girls who r a bit different from ventex but more like me. no, it wasn’t that i changed because of them but rather i found myself and what i wanna be when being with them. plus, being in a relationship somehow not so helpful.

if u can understand this, you can really understand why im so envious toward people who is really capable of being so nice and alim. and i hate it if people just faking the alimness so that other people can praise her/him.

being alim – isn’t just appearance. it’s ur heart and soul. it’s ur principle. it’s ur way of life til u die. if u decided to be like that, u have to be really ikhlas and istiqamah and true. and i dont have the istiqamah yet. and im very afraid that i cant be true enough. that’s why i respect whose who is trully alim so very much. i do wish one day i can pull it out and be a better follower. may the light shines on me, amin! i just want to kawin first, lol.

as for the rest of ventex girls, i think (and wish) they’re still who they are back then. if they changed, i hope that it’s a good one. i love u guys. and i miss u helll a lot!!

***related post from my blog: meraba-raba lelaki semasa cuaca sejuk